Category: Aphorisms

Don’t make a penis joke unless you’re a professional comedian. It’s hard. See?

When it comes to foot exfoliation, nothing is better than a dog. I’ve heard.

Almost no topic of conversation is more important and yet more objectionable than weather.

You are probably not the person you were 10 years ago, but you are almost certainly still the person you were yesterday. Change is certain but slow.

If cherubim are real, and if in fact they are sweet little winged baby angels, that should make you question the existence of God.

Every book is a biography.

Trust a thrice-divorced man at your own risk. If you’re a thrice-divorced man, my apologies.

History is a tall woman with sharp eyes.

Always have a bottle of champagne in reserve: You never know when good news will call for it.

Managing time is how the successful procrastinate.